Helpful tips to stop gossiping.....

How to stop yourself from gossiping?

What about if it’s you who’s responsible for the vain talk?

Hold your breath and recall these tips before saying a word.

1. Remember backbiting is a major sin in Islam and is one of the causes for entering the Hellfire.

2. Ask yourself:
“Would the person I am about to speak of like what I’m going to say? Would I say it if the person was present? Will I feel good about myself after saying it?”
You can save yourself some guilt ridden apologies later by simply asking these questions to yourself. In addition, you can try to think about how you felt the last time you found out that people were speaking badly or falsely about you.

3. Is it useful for anyone to know?
Allah Most High has said: “Successful are the believers, who are humble in their prayers, and who turn away from pointless talk” [23:1-3] And “Those who do not bear witness to what is false, but when they pass by pointless talk, pass by with dignity” [25:72], “When they hear pointless talk, they turn away from it” [28:55]

These verses describe the characteristics we should embody in speech. A top tip to help you is to cut short telephone conversations and keeping chat to essential things.

4. Is it necessary for anyone to know?
Even if it is, does it require your intervention? Often it is the trick of shaytan when we indulge in backbiting, as we seem to feel better about ourselves if we downgrade others. Instead ask yourself how we can improve our own character and lives.

5. Imagine that the person you are talking about can hear everything you are saying. However, know that Allah Ta’ala is The All-Seeing, All-Hearing, and All-Knowing. We should not forget about Day on which we will be held accountable for our deeds. Remember backbiting is a bad reflection on your own character.

6. Be mindful of the company you keep Keep away from people who usually turn to gossip. Recall the times in which you usually find yourself gossiping and keep yourself busy during that time with other tasks or even better – invite friends to learn about the grave consequences of gossiping!

7. Are you 100% sure about it?
Spreading false information is slander as it is creating discord and problems between Muslims. As we are told in the Quran:
“Why, when you heard it, did not the believing men and believing women think good of themselves [i.e. one another] and say: ‘This is an obvious falsehood’?” [24:12]
8. Rejoice at the time and reward you’ll gain by stopping this nasty habit not to mention the good deeds you will accumulate to efface the bad ones. You‘ll be surprised about the time, energy, and faith boost you will gain in this life, and the reward that awaits you in the akhirah insha’Allah.

9. Look for positive qualities in people. If you really have to talk about someone who’s not there, talk about how great, hardworking, funny, humble they are instead of deficiencies; as I often say ‘we are always quick to find imperfections in others but not ourselves’.

10. If you feel you have to say it to someone and that you can’t keep the news for yourself, write it in your diary or on a private piece of a paper. Reread it after a couple of days and evaluate if you still want to let the world know you are not trustworthy enough to keep a confidential fact to yourself! Discard of the paper, and of the thought in your mind – disciplining your thoughts to be good of others should be instilled instead.

11. Repent and make the intention to stop, you could keep the verses and ahadith about the punishment of this sin on your wallpaper or screen to remind you at work (where people politics can enter!). Lastly make dua’a to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) to help you and while it takes effort, don’t give up:

“Whosoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, then let him speak good or remain silent.” [Al-Bukhari]
[Productive muslim]